Rates and Services

RATES AND SERVICES

Every writer worth their salt lives and dies on good feedback, and I provide good feedback on your shitty screenplay writing. So send me your screenplay!

Here are my rates ($AUD)

  • $25 for short scripts 20 pages or under.
  • $35 for scripts 21 to 30 pages long (e.g. TV comedy scripts)
  • $45 for scripts 31 to 45 pages long (e.g. TV drama scripts)
  • $1 per page for scripts over 45 pages, +$2 per page over 100 pages. E.g. a 110 page script will cost 120 bucks. As well as the extra workload this is also an incentive for you to keep your screenplay writing lean and mean.
  • UNDER CONSTRUCTION – Script editing services

Why so cheap?

I want to help emerging screenwriters work past the shitty early drafts of their script to progress to something they can proudly show decision makers who can get their shit made. I’m a freelance script reader and I’ve written scripts, produced short films, and a novel, and I’ve done it all whilst living on a budget. I know what it’s like to be a struggling *artist* and want to offer a service I wish I had when I was still a cutting my teeth on this whole screenplay writing thing.

I’ve never heard of you, why are you telling me what to do, loser?

Harsh. I offer a blunt opinion you might not be able to get from friends and family members who are too polite to tell you some harsh truths about your possibly (definitely) shitty screenplay writing. Furthermore, *FUCK YOU*. I’ve done a dozens of screenplay assessments and reckon I’m qualified to provide this service, and these pandering brown-nosers think so too. And most recently, I’ve written for animation, namely 100% Wolf, which is slated to broadcast on ABC in the second half of 2019. See, I did a thing?

Why are you swearing so much?

That’s the ‘nasty’ part of the package. I’ll swear a little less in the report if that’s what you want, shitballhead.

What sort of report do I get?

  • For a feature length screenplay you will get a two page report scrutinising plot, story, structure, character, dialogue, overall screenplay writing style, and any other issues that need raising. I might only give a broad comment on formatting and grammar; I find writers value the story-based issues rather than nit-picking little shit.
  • For a TV drama pilot (at least 40 pages) you will get a one page report scrutinising the same things as above. Shorter scripts, such as a TV comedy of 20 pages, it will be fraction of that ratio – e.g. 20 page script = ½ page report. However, the report might be longer depending on the amount of issues and depth of analysis required to untangle your dumbfuckery.

How’s it work?

Send me the screenplay, I’ll invoice you, you pay me, I read your screenplay, you get report. After you have finished weeping, you go off and write a better script, and maybe even use my tools (cleverly disguised as swearing and insults) to improve your screenplay writing.

Won’t you just steal my script?

Listen, if you never show your screenplay around to people you’ll never know if it’s any good. Also, at some point you will have to show the script to people with greater wherewithal than me to steal your idea and make it without you. Don’t let the anxiety of someone stealing your ideas hold you back. Also, I won’t steal your idea because it’s probably shit.

Still… you could steal it, ay.

Ugh. Seriously?! I recommend you register your script with WGA, or if you’re cheapskate like me, emailing to yourself will provide time-stamped proof it’s your baby. I will assume your screenplay has been registered, protected, or insured from intellectual property theft in some way or another when I receive it, and I will treat your material as strictly confidential.

But while we’re talking about intellectual property.

Send me a short synopsis of your script. If – by some coincidence – I am already working on a similar project I may need to reconsider assessing your screenplay writing to avoid potential any issues later down the track. I can then recommend another script assessor who may be able to view your script.

Aren’t you just trying to make a quick buck off of the back of struggling, possibly poor, screenwriters in a market already clogged with charlatans, ‘gurus’ and know-it-alls who all think they have the magical ability to improve even the worst screenplay writing?

Probably. But here’s the thing, I’m not going to wring money out of people unnecessarily. One thing I can guarantee that I hope reveals a modicum of my integrity, for what it’s worth to a cynical schmuckbag like you: I will NOT re-read and review your script within 10 weeks of you receiving the previous draft’s report. Why? Glad you didn’t ask. Because firstly, I highly doubt someone has taken a serious and concerted effort to fix a screenplay within such a short period of time. Secondly, I just couldn’t be fucked reading that shit again so soon.

Okay, let me just attach it…

Before you send me anything please, please, please proofread your screenplay and weed out as many spelling, grammar and punctuation issues as you can, and make sure you are familiar with basic screenplay writing format. These dickish little issues will distract me from giving you the best report possible.

Can you stop? I’m dying…

Now that you’ve read all that bullshitsend me your script and synopsis!